1. |
Flatline
05:22
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Your eyes look so bored, but I remember how they used to look before.
The lines under them now... you're looking for the words or the way out.
I'm sleeping alone and dreaming of buzzes from my telephone.
Which worries you more: that I'll leave you, or that I won't?
I have changed, but my love still feels the same.
I cried until I was sick. What would it take to convince you that it's worth it.
How long has it been since everything good became "I remember when..."
so shoot me with your words. It isn't even half what I deserve.
Which scares me more: the idea of forever, or the pain of alone?
You can't be the only good thing in my life.
So I'm letting you go.
I'm letting go. You're not mine.
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2. |
Only You
03:30
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i rise in the morning light and you're still asleep covered up in blankets and in sheets. Put a kiss on your eyes and your cheeks. You start to rise, leaving that dream for me. I am glad to be alive.
Sounds in the night: tired sighs when the day is done. In the night, moth to light when you call me home. All I say, all I do is for you. Only you, only you.
Sounds in the night: tired sighs through a broken phone. In your light, in your life, I will never feel alone. All I say, all I do is for you. Only you, only you, only you.
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3. |
Call Back
04:27
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I gave my word to you—by now, you should have known. So, keep these words with you for something real to hold: I was unsure, then I finally came around. But when your cell phone rang, you didn't hear a sound. Oh well. You have kept me waiting to make you strong, but I will not wait forever. I will not wait so long just sitting here. For now, I'll wait until I get the ca ll ba ck. And if you don't, oh well. And now you're finding silence in someone else's arms, but that's the price we pay to lay these loving ~charms~…oh well.
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4. |
Palm Tree
02:35
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Palm trees in the city. Bad hair, looking shady. Making such a wet scene under your eyes. Don't blink: not a thought there. Empty, worn blank stare. Don't blink, because you don't care. You should be scared. oOOoOOoOOo. Palm trees in the city sweating in the deep heat, making such a big scene. You should go home. "You don't belong here." "Your face looks wrong here." I don't belong here.
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5. |
Pretty Rig
04:32
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Swollen sinuses filled with filthy diamonds. Worried and white where your money has gone. I said "hey, what's wrong?" You said nothing at all. But Taylor, my chest hurts. I really fear that every breath could be my last. Oh Taylor, my whole world is staying awake just to make you laugh. The sound of your heart could make time stop. We mothered each other when no one else would. So why, when we're lying here, are your eyes filled with tears? Oh Taylor, my chest hurts. I'll never fall asleep with all this glass in my blood. Oh Taylor, our whole world is drowning in the mud of someone else's flood. And now, even though all your reasons are gone, you swear that she has always been the only one. Taylor, your failure is the very worst one. It's that you never learned how to love.
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6. |
JMZ
02:38
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Walking to the train with a mouth full of blood! Cars are honking at me ‘cause I ran in the street. My mouth drips with mean mud, so I bit off my tongue. Walking to the train with a mouth full of blood. Swallowing rage since the sun came up. Never had a heart so full of disgust. I'm sick of this city and I've had enough of your class drag blues and regrettable tattoos. Your hair is long, but you're still a yuppie at heart. Wanna buy fancy things, wanna make money. Soon you'll move back west, boy, tail between your legs back to your parents. We all care here. We are fair here. We believe in equal opportunity of failure. Walking to the train with a mouth full of blood. Spitting frustration with what I've become. Head of regrets about the things I've said and the life I chose and the things I've done. Walking to the train with a mouth full of/head full of/eyes full of blood.
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7. |
Leave Me Be (Not Me)
04:31
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Daylight shines too bright when you're slugging through the same old story. I hope this bender spells the end. A moment of cracked clarity, bells sound out in epiphany: you hate all of your friends. Foreign body sensation, stress echo. Get wasted to annihilate your superego. Drunk and stupid. Talking too loud. Go ahead, smoke another cigarette. Resign yourself to your early death. You want someone to hold your head, you want someone to take you to your bed. You want someone to watch you sleep. You would like a tireless ear, a human chamber pot to catch all your tears. You want someone to watch you bleed. Not me. Nightmares, dreaming. Woke up screaming. Happens often...often lately. Now I'm drunk and lonely at a party. Pointless, really. There's nothing here worth seeing. You need a more permissive mother in your heart, or at least a plastic icon who will bend you over like you've always wanted. You want someone to control you. Somebody to console you. Someone to forgive your little lies. Someone kind. Not me. I've been waiting for a new life to come crashing into mine to make me feel whole. Make me feel fine. Lift my tired eyes to the infinite sky. Sleep in old woods under wet trees. This dirt someday will hold our bodies.
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8. |
Spring
06:00
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Spring, you have kept me waiting for the moment you choose to unfold. My love, her heart keeps on changing. Won't you come home to your girl? I have let go of the sandpaper "gifts" you pushed into my hands to lift my sin. I tried so hard, but I just bled. It was no use. I would not change for you. You pointed to the open door, I said "no, no, no, no, no." So you went first, and left me here alone. You left first because I wouldn't go. You're away now across some long cold sea in search of something worth seeing. You're away now climbing those tall, tall trees in search of something worth loving that isn't me. You're away now across some long cold sea in search of something worth believing in. You're away now climbing those tall, tall trees. Did you ever once think of me?
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9. |
Ex Best
03:00
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Thinking of the old times makes me want to cry. We never said a proper goodbye. Said "friends for life," "friends ‘til we die," "friends for all time." Said "friends" all lie. Now you say you'd gladly do without. What a strange thing to lie about. I wade through fading graves in search of lost time. You can't care if you don't try. You called me so late and so upset from halfway across the country. I sat out in the freezing snow for hours cradling my phone. I always put your problems before mine, now I wonder why...
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10. |
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Don't want to hate you anymore. Pick my wet face up off the floor. I know you're good, and I am too. I finally understand what we went through. It was a flower hour. In love, now we're missing after this disaster. I miss you more than I will tell. I've made our lives a living hell. No taking back the things we've said, but there's such total ruin that there is no room for real regret. Flower hour in love, now we're dying after this disaster. Flower giving, leave unwilling. Seasons going, dying slowly.
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11. |
Closure
05:12
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It may not be happy, but it's still a song of love. Years have passed by, but still it's not enough. What horror: desire. I've spent my whole life feeling exposed. Closure's hard to talk about when it's something you don't know…and what do I know? I'm just a ghost of a dead lover from a past summer. What do I know? I'm just a ghost in love with someone who never was. Who's in love with someone who doesn't exist. Who's in love with an idea, a myth. Here is memory's graveyard: do you pay respects to your dead? Or do you let them lie there alone, buried deep in your head? Oh god, please make me see that our time together wasn't just a dream. Dear GOD, please make me believe that there's meaning in our lives' tiny tragedies. But what do I know? I'm just a ghost of a girl who thought she understood the world. The great mistake of youth: confusing feeling for truth. And though you cannot separate the two, I admit that I'm in love with something that doesn't exist. I'm in love with the Ideal of fiction.
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Painted Zeros recommends:
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The Big Freeze
by Laura Stevenson
supported by 47 fans who also own “Floriography”
One of the most heart-wrecking, redemptive, perfect albums I've ever heard. Every time I play it I feel like I've been dismantled and rebuilt. And I do it again and again.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Jun 20, 2023
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